


Too Old For Batman?

by siriuslyyellow



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Comedy, Everything I Write Has Wincest I Can't Help It, F/M, Fluff, Weechesters, Written in 2008
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-05
Updated: 2012-04-05
Packaged: 2017-11-03 02:52:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 984
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/376296
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/siriuslyyellow/pseuds/siriuslyyellow
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There’s a new Batman movie out, and one of the brothers doesn’t want to go see it.</p>
<p>Challenge: Dean/OFC, clowns, a Justin Timberlake calendar, and condoms, "You want me to put what, where?"</p>
            </blockquote>





	Too Old For Batman?

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted on the LJ community spn_monthlyfic.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

“Excuse me?” Sam repeated, an incredulous look on his face.

“You heard me,” Dean accused. “You just don’t want to go.”

Sam rolled his eyes and laughed. “Of _course_ I don’t want to go, Dean! It’s a kid’s movie.”

“No, it’s not.” Dean took another gulp of his water and looked around for their waitress. He muttered, “Can we, like, order sometime this century?”

“Yeah, Dean, it is.”

“ _No_ , Sam, it’s _not_.”

Sam shook his head. “Just because you’re a third grader in a grown-up suit doesn’t mean we all are. I’m not going.”

“Fine,” Dean shot back. “Then I’ll just have to go with someone else.” The waitress approached their table, smile pasted on and pen in hand. Before she could say anything, Dean put on his best grin and said, “Hey, sweetie, you wanna go see the new Batman movie with me tonight? My little brother here is too _old_ to go.”

Dean’s inflection told them both just what he thought of that.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The waitress had got out at five, which left plenty of time to get tickets and popcorn.

Or rather, it _would_ have left enough time, had she _been_ on time. She ended up being an hour late. Dean was thanking God that he bought tickets for the seven showing instead of the six when she finally got to the theatre.

“Sorry, sorry!” The waitress (Dean couldn’t remember her name, and didn’t care enough to ask) came rushing up to him, waving her hands to make sure he saw her. Which of course he did. Did she think he was blind?

“Nah, no problem,” Dean lied. “Glad you made it,” he lied again. It startled him how easily he could lie to this girl.

“I wouldn’t miss this for the world!” She beamed at him. “I’ve heard great reviews for ‘The Light Bright’.”

“Umm… It’s ‘The Dark Knight’,” Dean corrected her, trying not to drag his palm over his face.

“Yeah, that’s the one.” She flipped her hair over her shoulder. “I would have gotten here earlier but I stopped by the mall to pick up...” At that she blushed, then hurriedly continued, “A few things, and anyway, I finally found the Justin Timberlake calendar I had been looking everywhere for!”

Dean was nodding absently. “Uh-huh, sure.” He got in line for snacks. “Do you want extra butter on your popcorn?”

“Oh, no thanks. I’m on Atkins.” She beamed at him.

Dean was starting to wish he had just forced Sam to come along anyway.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

They got their seats in the theatre, a little farther back than Dean wanted to be, but at least they were in the center. He looked over at the girl and saw her rifling through her purse. A mirror, lipstick, wallet, and… Oh God. She had brought condoms. Was _that_ why she was late?

Dean wanted to shoot himself. Or her. Or possibly both of them. Just to end the pain. Because if this girl thought she was going to sleep with Dean while he was focused on the new Batman movie, she had another thing coming.

Dean felt the need to make things clear right then and there. “Here, could you put this soda in the cup holder? I don’t want to hold it in the movie and I’ll drop the popcorn if I move my other hand.”

The girl looked at Dean blankly. “You want me to put what, where?”

Dean wondered briefly if this was what Sam felt like all the time. “Put the _soda_ in the _cup holder_.” She took it from him and did as she was told. “Yeah, there ya go. Thanks.”

They sat in relative quiet until the movie began. At which point the waitress decided to reach over the armrest and grab Dean’s hand. Not only did she almost spill the soda, but Dean jumped and scared the girl behind them. Dean hissed at the waitress to shut up, sit still, and just watch the damn movie.

She didn’t bother him again.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

“I don’t really like clowns,” the girl was saying as they got to the parking lot.

“Really? Neither does Sammy.” Dean laughed a little to himself, then shrugged. “I thought the Joker was cool.”

“Yeah, cool,” the waitress absentmindedly agreed. “So, what now?”

“Um, nothing?” Dean started to walk away.

“Wait, what? I thought we had fun?”

“Yeah,” Dean replied to her whine. “The movie was kickass.”

“So, what’s the problem?” She looked confused.

“Well… You sorta suck.” Dean gave her a wry grin and shrugged. “Them’s the breaks sometimes, sweetie. Not everything’s meant to be. I know, I know, I’m the handsomest devil you ever laid eyes on, but hey, don’t worry! You’ll find your own James Dean soon enough.”

With that, Dean jumped into the Impala and drove off, leaving the girl speechless in the parking lot.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

“Hey, how was the movie?” Sam asked when Dean opened the motel room door.

Dean began to launch into an explanation of just how awesome the movie was (“ _Really_ awesome!”), randomly inserting phrases like, “I don’t want to give anything away, buuuuut…”, and “Well, this isn’t too big of a spoiler, I guess.”

After about half an hour of this, Sam couldn’t help but grin from ear to ear.

Dean grinned in return. “You really should have come, man. You would have liked it.”

“Well, how was Anne?” Sam asked, curious.

“Anne? Who the fuck’s Anne?” Dean raised an eyebrow at Sam.

Sam laughed. “The girl you took with you, you moron!”

“Oh.” Dean shuddered. “She was horrible.”

“Then why’d you bring her?”

“You didn’t want to go.”

There was a pause before Sam replied. “Is it playing tomorrow?”

Dean’s smile lit up the room. “You know there’s a clown, right?”

Sam shrugged, “The Joker’s not _technically_ a clown. He’s actually more of a homicidal maniac with a clown’s face.”

Dean nodded in agreement. “ _Awesome._ ”

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

_fin. ___


End file.
